Recently I've been having a lot of chest pains and problems breathing due to my "live fast, die faster" lifestyle and a friend suggested I see a doctor. It was then I realized I have not been to a doctor since MLK Day 2005(dubbed Ted Appreciation Day for obvious reasons), and it gave me a idea. I'm only going to voluntarily see a doctor one more time and that, my friends, is to get diagnosed with cancer.

I have a couple ideas for TV shows or a reality movie much like Super Size Me.
The first of which deals with me giving myself cancer, probably from staring into the microwave the entire time it takes to cook a potato in there. I will then go to a doctor to make sure I've accomplished my mission and beat it cold turkey from there on out. No doctors on this one Michael.

The second of which, is when I realized how I need money and while I was baptised I never made my communion because my parents gave me the choice to watch cartoon with my Dad or go to Church School or whatever its called, I wasn't retarded and I chose cartoons. The time is now to cash in, especially because I think all religion is bullshit so I can take advantage. Ill make my communion, cash in. Convert to Judaism, have my bar mitzvah, cash in. Ill do whatever Native Americans do and go on that weird spiritual shit where you trip balls in the woods(just another weekend to me) and cash in. Maybe have a Super Sweet 16 too. Ill get B2K to reunite and perform. I'll need a party planning committee if anyone is interested.

Sorry if I offended anyone with cancer or believes in religion. Except not.